I don't blame you, Harvey
by LinkynTripleA
Summary: Mike Ross has been in an abusive relationship with Trevor since high school. In the beginning it was loving and affectionate but it's become dark and morbid. Trevor stopped loving Mike, now he loves to torture Mike. Mike can't leave, he wants to but he can't. Harvey Specter plans to change that. He wants to save Mike—at least what's left of him. [Reviews are your friends!]
1. I love him

Summary:

Mike Ross has been in an abusive relationship with Trevor since high school. In the beginning it was loving and affectionate but it's become dark and morbid. Trevor stopped loving Mike, now he loves to torture Mike. Mike can't leave, he wants to but he can't. Harvey Spector plans to change that. He wants to save Mike—at least what's left of him.

* * *

Author Note:

I must admit, to the wondering eye this story may be quite confusing. It tends to jump around from past, present to future. There is a significant character death(s) involved within in this story as for now, it should only be two… or at least that I am hoping. The romance and abuse tends to counteract with one another, some parts tend to be quite dark but I will try to soften them out with romance afterwards. I applaud you for reading.

* * *

Mike's face was a mess. There was blood dripping from his nose to his lip. A dried blood trail had strained his left side of his face. His shirt was ripped, jeans with scuff marks. His shirt was nearly see through minus the blood and you could clearly see shoe imprints along his rib cage.

'Do you want to talk about it?' The doctor asked

Mike looked at the ground not answering; he just looked at the floor trailing the cracks and dents with his eyes as the doctor continued on.

'So, you told the nurse that you fell down some stairs?' the doctor added hoping to get an answer

Mike's eyes lifted the floor to the doctors in a leave-it-alone kind of way, with that the doctor filled out a script handed it to him and left for the door. On his way out he said one last thing, 'Don't let this go on for too long. It may seem okay now, but it will get worse. Get out while you can, Mr. Ross.'

Mike flinched when he heard the door close; he grabbed his legs, pulling them to his chest as he silently cried. He cried about Trevor, about Harvey; about everything. He didn't know just how long he could actually put up with this. He'd given Trevor his last two cents. He let Trevor fuck him roughly, force him to say his name as he came. It hurt the pain, the roughness; it wasn't consensual. Or maybe it was. He couldn't tell anymore. Whether or not he was in 'the mood' they would do it; hard and painful. He wouldn't object but he wouldn't oblige to it.

The door opened again, he swore that if it was the doctor he would book it. His head rose as the familiar voice began speaking.

'Are you that much of an idiot.' Harvey said angered as he shut the door behind him 'You go back to him over and over again, when are you going to grow up and leave.'

'Harvey—

'Don't 'Harvey' me. I told you this would happen again. I told you, Mike. Hell I could have bet on it or set a fucking date. God, sometimes I wonder if you are even an adult, you act like a goddamn child.' Harvey said angered

'I'm not a child.' Mike said as tears fell from his eyes

'Are you sure about that? Goddamn, Mike; get your shit together or you're fired. I can't afford to put anymore out on the line for you. Screw up one more time, I'll fire your ass and make sure you don't ever get a job in this damn city. Remember this, while you work for me; I own you.' Harvey said as he walked out the door

…

'I'd love to stay and chit-chat but my date just go here.' Harvey said walking away from Jessica

Harvey adjusted his tie and drank his wine as he approached Mike and was about ready to throw his glass across the room, just to hear it shatter to a million pieces. Getting closer to Mike, he could see a clearly defined black and blue mark above his right eye that looked at least an hour old.

'What the hell is this?' Harvey said trying not to alert anyone

'What is what?' Mike asked almost confusing himself

Harvey grabbed Mike's arm practically dragging him through the room towards the men's bathroom. Once inside the bathroom, he checked underneath the stalls to make sure no one else was in there after that, he pushed the trashcan in front of the door blocking the entry way.

'What's your problem?' Mike asked leaning against the wall

'Your black eye, did you really think that no one would notice?' Harvey asked trying not to yell

'There isn't much I could do to hide it.' Mike said sounding like a small child

'You should have stayed home.' Harvey said angered

'No, I couldn't have. If I would have stayed home; you would have forced me to come. Then you wouldn't shut up about it tomorrow.' Mike said as tears appeared to bunch up in his eyes 'I don't like pissing you off, so no; I couldn't have.'

Harvey stood near the doorway as the younger man slid to the ground, hands over his eyes as tears fell violently. His sob filled the room and echoed throughout Harvey's mind, usually Harvey would find himself completely annoyed with the fact that someone was weak enough to cry in front of him but he found himself somewhat drawn to comfort the man.

He sat next to him and holding him in his arms as his salty tears fell from his eyes onto his expensive suit. He had no time to be angry about the tears that were now staining his suit; he was too set on trying to quiet the cries. His hand found its way to Mike's hair, rubbing almost petting his head.

'Mike, shush; it's okay.' He finally said trying to calm him

He repeated it multiple times to him, while Mike's tears finally stopped and they just sat there in silence as the door tried to open but whoever tried opening it eventually gave up. Harvey held Mike in his arms for what seemed like hours, just enjoying the feeling of Mike in his arms.

Mike leaned up to look at Harvey who was staring at the wall, he figured trying to block out the annoyance of his tears. Mike trying the hardest he could to make himself presentable before speaking to Harvey.

'I will go home now.' Mike said quietly

'No, you won't.' Harvey said angered 'You're going to stay here.'

'Harvey.' Mike said standing up and trying to walk out the door

'Stop.' Harvey said standing behind him, glaring 'Mike, stop!' when his words went unnoticed, he grabbed Mike's arm and pushed him up against the wall.

Mike flinched, violently; trying to release himself from Harvey's grip. Harvey had one hand along Mike's waist holding him against the wall while the other was above his head. Harvey stood in silence and horrified at the reaction he just caused.

Mike allowed a stifled cry to escape his throat, leaving Harvey with less than a second to realize Mike was once again crying.

'Mike, I'm sorry.' Harvey said in a soft whisper

Harvey released his grip on Mike's waist placing his hand next to Mike's head. He wasn't entirely sure what he was planning on doing, but his body was moving against his will. Mike's blue eyes were blurred with tears as he leaned in and placed a soft kiss along his lips. Harvey wasn't impatient like he normally was when kissing; he was relaxed and allowed Mike to take control.

It was a perfect moment.

It was perfect that was until Mike pulled away suddenly. He gave Harvey a confused look before he escaped Harvey's grip and left the room, leaving the trashcan spinning on its side.

Harvey didn't shout he didn't call after him; he just stood there in the bathroom, wondering what had happen and why he enjoyed the kiss so much.

…

Harvey would make his occasional stops at Mike's cubicle to talk about the case or to give him more work. One time, Harvey was caught off guard when Mike eyes never left the paper before him and had a red mark alongside his cheek. Mike spoke in a low tone, trying to take the attention away from him, wishing that Harvey wouldn't bring it up and thankfully he didn't. Harvey wasn't exactly sure why he didn't bring the mark up, maybe it was out of respect of because he could tell Mike didn't want to talk about it; but he left it alone.

Mike made it a habit of rarely leaving his cubicle and speaking up, in the beginning he was always talking, always excited; the most energetic adult you'd ever seen. That was what caught Harvey's attention first, how he was so eager to learn and would be incredibly easy to mold into his protégée. Mike was now coming to work, less happy; less ecstatic. He'd shown up for work one day in a tattered suit, shoes that looked like he'd gotten them out of the garbage accompanied with split lip.

'Mike?' Harvey would say in a soft tone 'Are you okay?'

Mike wouldn't answer he'd just walk away, walk back to the bathrooms and pour his eyes out. It became another one of his daily routines if anyone showed just a little concern.

Donna: _Mike, what happen to your face? Who did this to you? Are you in trouble? Mike, do you need anyone to talk to, remember I'm here. I'm worried about you. Mike, why don't you take the day off?_

Louis: _Mike, I need you to file—What happen to your face? Hey, this firm doesn't pay you to sleep on the job. Why are you looking over your shoulder? Afraid the boogey man will come get you?_

Jessica: _Mike, I don't pay you to screw around._

—He was always shooting them down.

_I tripped, not easy walking around in a suit that's not made for you. I told you, I tripped. I'm not in trouble, trust me. There's nothing for me to talk about but thanks for the offer. Donna, I'm fine; don't worry. I can't take the day off; Harvey needs this done by five. _

_I fell down the stairs. I'm not sleeping! I'm not looking over my shoulder. _

_I'm going to get back to work. _

It was always the same; someone would ask if he was doing alright and the question would immediately be blocked.

Mike's charm could hide the true emotions and the pain, but it didn't matter who it was they could all sense that something was off.

…

Harvey awoke to the annoying sound of knuckles on his door and his doorbell going off repeatedly, he swore if it was another solicitor he would sue them for whatever excuse he could come up with. Opening the door, he was in utter shock.

Mike stood in front of the doorway; with new bruises another spilt lip and completely heartbreaking look in his eyes.

Harvey sighed and stepped back allowing Mike to enter the apartment. Mike didn't move.

He gently placed his hands on Mike's shoulder and maneuvered him into the room. Mike flinched at the contact, but his facial expression didn't change. Harvey helped Mike to the couch where he then scoured his apartment for his fist-aid kit to treat Mike's wounds.

Mike's face twitched as Harvey applied medicine and Harvey let out a sigh of relief when he finally began speaking.

'It was my fault.'

Harvey starred into Mike's eyes, wondering if that was meant for him or just Mike trying to reassure himself.

'It was my fault.' Mike repeated

Harvey's heart nearly skipped a beat when he knew what he was talking about, 'He hits you and you blame yourself?'

'He didn't mean it. I just—I just…'

'Just what, Mike?' Harvey asked in disbelief that he was still blaming himself 'What did you do wrong?'

The blond grabbed Harvey's hand, either trying to feel skin-to-skin contact or just to hold Harvey's hand, 'He loves me.'

Harvey felt the acid in his stomach rise as he took in the sentence _love, he didn't know what love was_. 'Mike…'

'Please, Harvey don't.' Mike begged

'Don't what, Mike. Tell you that you're making a mistake.' Harvey said trying his best to keep his voice low

'I'm not making a mistake.' Mike said falling to his knees between Harvey's legs

Mike cried and pleaded for forgiveness, he pleaded for Trevor to stop; for everything to go back to normal. Harvey placed a hand on Mike's head as he sobbed into is lap. Harvey had enough of Mike's sorrow, Mike was always complaining how his life wasn't great, how he was being treated horrible yet he did nothing to stop it. He kept going back to Trevor. Back to the danger claiming Trevor loved him.

In the end, it was the same Mike would come pleading to Harvey. Crying.

He grabbed Mike's head pulling him up towards him, 'Are you going to stop going back to Trevor?'

'What?' Mike asked voice still breaking

'If you keep going back to Trevor, I will not help you. I won't have a care for you in the world.' Harvey said tucking his hand under Mike's chin

'I…'

'If you go back to him, we're done. You will not come to me to complain about Trevor.' Harvey said in a stern voice '

'I love him.'

Something came over Harvey in the very moment, something unlike any other feeling he'd ever experienced; he grabbed the boy by his waist pulled him closer to him and kissed him. It was sweet and passionate, unlike any kiss Mike experienced. For the first time in years, he wasn't scared or lonely; he was content. He was happy.

…

Harvey hadn't seen Mike since he kissed. He hadn't seen him at work either, it began to bother it. The boy was no where to be found. To be honest, he didn't really know why he'd kissed him. He needed to see Mike again to explain that the kiss didn't mean anything, but it did. It meant something to Harvey Spector. Something he couldn't admit to anyone. He wanted Mike. Maybe he even loved him.

…


	2. It doesn't hurt anymore, nothing does

Summary:

* * *

"I don't care anymore."

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Author Note:

* * *

This chapter has reference to drugs and self-mutilation, please note that this has no way been intertwined into this story to insult and/or trigger anything regarding those reading, I just want to paint the mere picture of dire situation the character in question has found his/herself in.

* * *

It was an accident. Everything was.

Mike showed up at Harvey's place broken in a heavy blur of alcohol, which was forcefully shoved down his throat. He banged on the door, louder than intentionally but at that very moment he didn't have a care in the world. His arms, legs—everything hurt. Every movement was painful, but he couldn't feel it. He was high on alcohol.

'Harvey!' Mike shouted leaning on the door frame

'Mike' Harvey said quickly opening the door 'What are you doing here?

Mike's suit was trashed with stripped pieces of it removed or hanging by a few strings. He looked like he had been living on the streets for weeks, but Harvey knew the truth. He softly pushed Mike into the room and led him to the restroom. Typically, he would be angered that Mike would be ballsy enough to show up this late at his place but there was no time for that nonsense. The two men entered the bathroom where Mike saw his reflection in the mirror and stood in shock. He could barely recognize himself. His face was bruised, lip mangled; both eyes were severely injured.

Harvey allowed the man time to gain his grounding before he attended to his injuries. He grabbed a first aid kit and a few towels where he then let Mike set on the toilet, the older man leaned down and applied first aid though his attempts were unseen when he noticed droplets of blood on the dress shirts sleeves. Harvey stood up with this overwhelming urge to cry.

'Mike, take off your shirt.'

Mike lifted his head carefully and looked at Harvey with dried tears along his face then obliged by carefully removing his dress shirt. Harvey's shock only grew in nature as he examined the hidden parts of Mike's chest, bruises and cuts covered his body. So much so, that he could barely stand to look at him.

'I'm sorry.' Was all Harvey said as he cleaned them

Any normal person would be in complete agony when he applied the alcohol wipes to Mike's chest, though he barely noticed. There was pain but he found solace in it. The two were engulfed in silence. Harvey couldn't put two words together, each time he did his heart broke just a little more.

Harvey wasn't use to this. He didn't care for his employees and he most certainly didn't love them.

Harvey and Mike stayed in the restroom for hours in silence, taking in each other's company. Until Harvey happened to glance at Mike and he saw the blond was falling asleep whilst his head lay on the counter sink. Harvey stood up and picked the man up as he brought up to his bedroom. Mike laid on the bed and was fast asleep within seconds.

Mike spent the night; he was to drunk and in pain to even realize just the amount of trouble he would be in when he went home.

…

Mike looked at the mirror as he wiped his face, he'd been crying; which was nothing unusual. Trevor trashed the place; it looked like a bomb was set off. Everything was broken.

'Mike!' Trevor shouted as he banged on the door

'Yes.' Mike responded feeling like he was once again a small child

'Mikey, I'm sorry.' Trevor said leaning against the door

Mike remained silent as Trevor talked amongst himself, he apologized to him over and over again but Mike couldn't hear it over the sound of his heart breaking with every word.

'Mike, let me in.' Trevor's tone was sweet and innocent

Mike almost opened the door until the pounding was shaking the door erratically and Trevor was now shouting and threatening to kick the door in. Mike wanted to move to the door, he wanted with all his strength to open it but he couldn't move his legs. Trevor grew impatient as he kicked the door in, breaking it from the hinges and making a clear dent in the wood.

Within seconds, he attacked Mike beating and yelling more at the man. It was a blur for Mike; he didn't know what was happening, he knew Trevor was hurting him but he couldn't feel the pain. When he was done, Mike just laid on the ground unable to move, unable to cry; he was stuck.

…

The pain was overwhelming; Mike could barely hold himself together. Every day was a struggle. He punched the mirror because he couldn't bare to look at the reflection anymore. Mike leaned on the sink, staring at himself in the spider-cracked mirror; he didn't feel any pain but the blood ran down his fist. The glass from the mirror laid on the counter as he looked down at it, something came over Mike in the moment, he picked up the piece; took it to his skin, and _cut. _ He felt it, but not how he should have. He didn't want feel enough pain to cry out but he didn't feel it enough to stop. He could feel it enough to know that he could feel other things. It helped feeling the skin break and the wound burn as the air came to contact with it.

_One…Two…Three _slices and he was done, he felt satisfied that he could go on; but the glass stayed in his pocket the rest of that day as a reminder that he could just slice his skin and the pain would be gone.

Mike couldn't explain it to you, he couldn't explain the feeling of your flesh tearing beneath your eyes or the stinging as you pulled the glass from your skin. All he could say was it made him feel… alive.

That was the first time he'd hurt himself and it certainly wasn't the last. It was easier than crying, than running to Harvey and complaining about what Trevor did. It helped him. It made everything easier, it made life easier.

…

Harvey gave Mike an ultimatum, multiple ones in fact: _Stay away from Trevor or stay with him and never see me again. _

A month in, Harvey was caving.

He grew quite weary when he hadn't seem Mike in the office for a while all he wanted was to walk into his office and see the _twenty-something year old_ sitting on the couch, crinkling his suit. He didn't smell the scent of cheap cologne throughout the office.

Donna: _Have you heard from, Mike? Where is Mike? I called Mike, I haven't gotten any response from him. You should go see Mike, make sure he is okay. I'm worried about Mike, Harvey. _

Jessica: _Harvey, where's mike? I don't pay him to sleep in. _

Louis: _Harvey, Can I borrow Mi—where's Mike? Harvey, are you hiding Mike from me? Where's Mike? I haven't seen him in days. _

-Harvey ignored all the questions and responded them with blatant answers.

_I haven't seen Mike in a few days; he's probably working on the case. Donna, I don't live to babysit Mike. I'm too busy to go see Mike. Donna! I don't pay you to worry about Mike. _

_Mike's working on the case, I sent him out to talk to a client. _

_Mike's out, Louis. Mike's working like you should be Louis. Mike's busy. _

He was covering for Mike; every response that he gave was either carefully planned and executed or meticulously thought out. Each person had different responses. For Donna, he snapped. He was rude and inconsiderate something he hadn't done to her since they worked at the D.A.'s office. Jessica, he kept the response minimal; with as few as words he could. Louis, he didn't exactly care what he told Louis; he could of said _Mike died in a car crash_ and it wouldn't have even made him have second thoughts about what he was saying. But he was tired of lying, tried of spinning webs; he left work in a hurry and showed up at Mike's place.

He knocked on the door, loudly; so loud in fact a neighbor came out and told him to _shut up_ but nothing mattered to him in the moment besides making sure Mike was okay. The door opened and revealed a half dressed Trevor with a beer in his hand.

'What do you want?'

'Where's Mike?' Harvey asked in short of a panic

'Why do you care? '

'Where's Mike?' Harvey's patients grew more and more anxious every second

Trevor just smirked at the older man and took a sip of the beer, he tried in fact to slam the door in Harvey's face but Harvey's muscular arm was no match for Trevor's weak body. He pushed the door forward nearly knocking Trevor onto the floor, the beer spilled immediately; staining the pale carpet as Harvey walked pasted him. His loafers caused the liquid to rise up and sink back down when he stepped near the growing puddle.

'Mike!' Harvey shouted through the small apartment where he saw Mike was crouched down on the floor

Harvey heart almost stopped when he laid eyes on the beaten and mangled body on the floor; Mike looked dead. Harvey leaned down next to Mike, holding back his tears and felt for a heartbeat.

'He's not dead.' Trevor said smirking once again

'What did you do?' Harvey shouted as the anger inside him was on boiling

'I wouldn't have to do anything, if he wasn't such a failure.' Trevor said as he looked down at Mike

Harvey had enough, he could hear Mike groaning as he tried getting up. He was done. If Mike wasn't going to get him out of this mess then Harvey was going to do so. Without thinking Harvey's hand went into a fist and he punched Trevor in the face. Trevor slammed onto the ground smashing into the coffee table that somehow managed to survive the brutal beatings he inflicted onto Mike. Harvey's fist was red with pain as he helped Mike to his feet leaving Trevor holding his soaked with blood face and screams on the floor. Harvey held Mike's waist as he tried to maneuver him to the door, his pleas were hopeless when they got close to the door and Mike began talking.

'I can't go.' Mike said weakly

'What?'

'I can't leave him.' Mike said weakly

'Mike, listen to me' Harvey said as he looked face to face with Mike 'nothing's going to change. You need to leave.'

'I love him.'

The words stung Harvey's heart, he nearly dropped Mike in the process. He didn't understand all the pain and struggle Mike was being put through yet here he was willingly going back to Trevor. Mike dropped from Harvey's arms and fell to the floor along his knees; blood dripped from Mike's nose, down his neck and to his shirt.

'Jesus fuck.' Harvey looked down at Mike 'Get up, Mike.' He ordered

Mike laughed, a forced, sad; empty and sarcastic laugh broke Harvey's heart more. 'No.'

'I mean it, Mike.' Harvey said fighting the urge to close his eyes at just how bad of shape the blond was in

'No! I love Trevor! You can't keep me away from him! I'm tired of doing what you want!' Mike shouted he didn't know where any of the words were coming from, he assumed it was anger or maybe sadness but Mike was officially giving up.

Harvey leaned down once again to pick Mike back up but before he could get a hold of him, he jerked away from him, 'Don't fight me. I'm trying to help you, Mike.'

Harvey hit his breaking point when he looked behind him and Trevor was still on the ground holding his nose that was most likely broken. He wasn't going to be able to save Mike. The only way he'd manage to get him out of the building was if he was kicking and screaming.

'Mike,' Harvey said in a low tone as he leaned down to the see eye to eye with the younger man, 'if you stay here, you're going to die. He will kill you. Please, Mike; come with me.'

Mike looked into Harvey's eyes he knew what he said was the truth but Mike couldn't bare to leave Trevor. There was indeed a part of him that was truly in love with him. Even if there was no love in the relationship anymore, he loved him.

'Mike, please don't make me walk out of here without you.' Harvey's eyes were filled with tears as he starred at Mike

'I have to stay, Harvey.' Mike said looking at the floor 'I have to.'

…

Harvey held the letter in his hand as the tears filled his eyes, Harvey Specter didn't cry. He wasn't weak. He was a man. A man who witnessed his mother cheat on his father, watched as his father was clueless; he was strong. He didn't cry over weak little things. He couldn't open the letter; he knew who it was from and what it would probably say. He tried to open it numerous times but each attempt failed more than the last.

'Oh, god; I can't do it.' Harvey said as he slammed the glass onto the table cracking both the glass table and cup by doing so

…

Mike was in pain, the self-mutilation seemed to be doing nothing now; it didn't even numb the pain. It just masked it. He was hurting still. The cuts along his arms stung but there was no comfort in knowing that every mark of his skin helped. He needed something new. He needed something that would actually help or seem like it would.

'What do you want, kid?' The man asked as the hood covered his head and hands were in his pockets

'What can I get for two hundred?' Mike asked as he pulled crisp dollars

'That's all you got?' the man asked in almost a shock

'Yeah.'

'Here, don't overdose and this shit, man.' The man pulled his hand out of his pocket holding a small bag of a white powdery substance and handed it to Mike

Mike handed the man money and placed the bag into his pocket while he stumbled away from the man. When Mike was home he went straight to the bathroom where he poured out some of the powder and sat on the toilet seat. He starred at the cocaine for nearly five minutes before he got the nerve to just sniff the powder. His nose stung when the powder hit his nostrils, the initial impact of the substance hitting his body was shocking. Chills ran through his body as he took more. He should have stopped there with one, he should have flushed it down the toilet but it was too good. He couldn't stop.

He became addicted. It was easier than talking to Harvey or slicing his skin. Here he could just take cocaine and everything would be okay. Everything was still. He was away from the pain. For that moment, Michael Ross felt whole.

Cocaine was Mike's clean slate. It erased everything that happen with Trevor, the pain; the sorrow and the: _I love yous, I'm sorry; I won't hurt you again._ It wasn't the solution but it numbed the pain. He could look at the shard of glass he held onto and use it for two things: drawing on his skin and making sure the lines of cocaine were proper. Mike would show up to work high on coke and now one would be just the wiser except:

Harvey knew he started taking drugs the minute he walked into his office, his nose was bright red and his eyes looked as though he'd been crying but under eyes remained the same, never puffy.

'Your nose is red again.' Harvey said as his face was clearly buried in a file

Mike slammed the file he'd been carrying in his hand onto Harvey's desk causing Harvey to shoot up from his desk. 'Tell me you have a cold.'

'I'm doing my job.' Mike said as he looked at Harvey

'Mike, what happen to you? I don't understand this. I've given you ways out; my career is on the line for you and yet you cut, do drugs. You need to stop this or tap out from Pearson Darby Specter immediately.'

Mike looked at Harvey for a while then his eyes drifted to the floor in almost a daze.

'Go home.' Harvey said

'No, I need to convince this client to stay with this firm—

"I'll handle it." Harvey said as he walked towards Mike

'No, it's my job; I'm the only one who can do this.' Mike said almost whining at him

'Mike, I've been doing that since I was with the D.A. if anyone is more qualified for this goddamn job, it's the real lawyer here.' Harvey said in a strong and fierce tone 'Now go home!'

'Why?' Mike asked. The more time that had passed between the two men, the more brave Mike was getting whether it be the drugs that gave him the strength or that he was fed up with everyone's crap, he stood his ground.

'You need to change your tone.' Harvey said in a low tone

'Why?' Mike repeated. Everything was failing apart. Their relationship—or lack thereof was failing apart. 'What is your main problem? That I'll show up high to court or that I'm with Trevor?'

'Mike!' Harvey shouted as he walked towards him 'If your Harvard secret coming out would ruin your career, announcing to the entire firm that you are doing cocaine isn't going to give you any help.'

'I don't care anymore.'

Harvey may not have the how to exactly care for someone but his career was ultimately based off of learning to read people and well, Harvey wasn't even _close _to knowing what exactly was going on with Mike.

...


	3. I'm broken, Harvey get over it

Summary:

* * *

He's a danger to one's self.

* * *

Author Note:

* * *

Please be warned that there is a mention of attempted suicide and murder in this chapter.

* * *

The first time Mike overdosed – not intentionally though, he'd just lost track of what he was doing. Sleeping pills, whiskey. It started off in the beginning as just a way to coax himself to sleep, his high on drugs was far too high to even lay down and sleep. This particular Friday was different than the rest, Mike had the day off and Harvey was in a very important meeting with Jessica trying to settle million dollar clients when his cell phone rang.

_Mike, whatever it is; this better be a life or death situation because I'm in the middle of a—_

_-Mr. Specter? Harvey Specter?_

_Who is this? _Harvey immediately knew something was wrong long before the E.R. nurse worked up the courage to speak.

Harvey left the meeting in a hurry, he practically ran out the door; the case files were left on the table as he ran out. Jessica and Donna had never seen Harvey leave in such a hurry for any reason, even when he found out his father had passed away; he took his time in leaving.

Harvey knew Trevor did something; his gut told him that he did something to Mike; that Mike was dead. Trevor killed Mike. But he was wrong.

_Harvey Specter. _

_-Dr. Ian Weston. _

_Where is Michael Ross? Is he okay?_

_-I'm afraid not, Mr. Specter. Mr. Ross tried to kill himself; do you have any idea why he'd do that? _

_No. _

Harvey knew he was lying but he wouldn't dare tell the so called doctor what was going on with Mike because to be honest, he didn't really know.

_-Mr. Ross showed signs of abuse along his body, do you know of anyone who would try to harm him? _

_No. _

…

Mike turned over as the blankets tightened around the fellow body in the bed; he looked the older man in bed with him and smiled. The man's eyes slowly opened as a large smile appeared on his lips.

'Good morning.'

'Good morning, Harvey.' Mike said as he smiled

Mike and Harvey laid in bed together for what seemed like hours, they didn't say much in the hours that passed.

'I love you, Harvey.' Mike finally said pulling Harvey out of a trance like stage

'I love you, Mike.' Harvey said smiling at him

…

'Harvey, can we talk?' Donna asked entering Harvey's office

Harvey would have said _No _if it wasn't for the fact that it was Donna who he was turning down, she would just ignore his _No _and continued on with what she had to say. Instead he remained voiceless as she spoke in harsh tone at him.

'What's going on with Mike?'

'I don't know.'

'Don't give me that bull. Harvey, I know you know.'

It was true, he did know but to be honest he didn't want to believe it was true. Apart of him though he brought this onto Mike, he thought he was—and to use one of his best analogies—holding the gun to Mike's head with his finger tightly wound on the trigger.

'Donna, I'm dealing with it.' Harvey said holding his tongue before the real danger of the situation spilled loose.

'Are you sure?' Donna asked leaning onto his desk

'Trust me, Donna.' Harvey said looking at her and giving her his 'million-dollar smile.'

…

'5:15' Mike says exhausted '—pm, time is going by faster.' The way Mike crafted his words almost made it sound like he was drunk. There was a slur in Mike's voice at night when he was extremely tired which Harvey found cute.

'Go home.' Harvey tells him 'you look exhausted'

Mike frowned in his daze, 'I can stay and help.'

'You always stay and help, go home.'

Mike leaves feeling semi-grateful and somewhat useless; he laid in bed; thinking of Harvey but feelings Trevor's cold arms wrapped around him.

'Where were you today?' Trevor asks quietly

And it starts all over again, the pain; the sadness and the cold in his hearts just revamps as the feeling of depression takes over. The cuts along his arms grow with pain and the sad in his eyes feels with tears. It's starting again.

…

Harvey Specter let down almost everyone in his life, but if there was one thing in his life he wasn't going to do, it was let down Mike Ross. The man who'd came to an interview [unknowingly] trying to ditch cops and managed to score a job.

_-Mr. Specter, I would advise you allow us to put Mr. Ross on a psych ward for twenty four hours._

_What? _

_-Mr. Ross is a danger to himself and those around him. I and I certainly don't think you want him to do this again. _

_Mike will be okay. _

At least that's what Harvey tried to convince himself and the doctor, frankly. Although neither believed it, but Dr. Weston couldn't force Mike to a psych ward. On paper, Harvey looked sharper than ever; in person, Harvey was a dick.

…

There was a time before Pearson Darby Specter lost Mike Ross for good, a time that Harvey should have done something much more. Being with Harvey was everything Mike wanted, everything he needed but it wasn't enough to save him. He had to cut Trevor out of his life forever, kick his coke habit and show up to work on-time. Harvey swore them being together would fix the damage that had been done to him and what he'd done to himself, though there was really no telling as to whether or not the damage would be permanently fixed. There was a moment that Harvey should have done differently, that he should have got Mike the help he so desperately needed but his selfish needs got in the way.

Mike slept over at Harvey's one night, claiming Harvey's bicep as his pillow; he held a tight grip on Mike that night making sure that he didn't wake up alone that morning. His attempts failed sadly when he awoke to a strong ice filled breeze hitting his chest and arms, he rolled over to find a cell phone blowing up with calls from Donna and a vacant spot on the bed. He was in shock, Harvey was typically the first one to wake up but he'd never left the bed when his slumber was interrupted earlier than usual.

'Mike.' Harvey said as he dragged himself out of bed and picked up a shirt that was on his dresser 'Mike?'

Entering the living room, Harvey noticed the curtains kept moving with the breeze and the wind whistled as it escaped the small crack. There was a slight ominous hint that things weren't quite right, that maybe Harvey should not go straight to the coffee maker and instead walk out to the balcony instead and without a second though he did.

He found Mike, in a deep trance, positioned on the edge of the railing, sitting; legs hanging down and his eyes shooting straight down at Manhattan's pavement.

'Mike, what-'

'Do you really love me?'

Mike's voice was low but casual; his voice was almost as if he'd woken up in Harvey's bed that morning not dangling 39 stories over New York City. Harvey was stunned with silence as he tried to realize what exactly was happening.

'Mike, what?'

Mike rolled his eyes and shrugged his shoulder putting a very uneasy feeling in Harvey's gut. He stepped forward a little unsure as to whether he should pull Mike back towards him or leave him be.

'If it wasn't for Trevor would we be together?' Mike asked calmly almost as if he was asking the time

Harvey swallowed hard, he was use to pressure but the kind his job came with not the ones with a relationship. This was a life or death situation.

'Get down, Mike.' Harvey told him, trying to sound stern but it came out desperate and scared. It came out sounding like he was truly afraid for him which he was.

'Get down.' He repeated, but Mike just looked over the edge. Mike seemed like he was perfectly calm, like nothing was wrong; like he wasn't sitting on a balcony ready to kill himself or the fear in Harvey's face.

'Would you still be with me if it wasn't for Trevor?' Mike asked not even glancing at Harvey

'Mike, we'll talk about this inside.' Harvey said as the fear inside of him grew

'And then what, Harvey? Then I go to work? Then I act normal? Like I'm not scared of Trevor?' Mike said going on a huge rant 'It hurts; it hurts so much, Harvey. I can't take it anymore!'

'Mike, I know. Trust me, I know. We can fix that.' Harvey said not even believing himself

'-Then I do too much coke and wake up in the hospital to you yelling at me then at some big shot doctor. Then I get out fall back into drugs, cut myself; and overdose all over again? So what's the point? I'm broken.' Mike said as the tears feel violently from his eyes

'You're not broken, Mike! We'll fix this, We'll fix you.' M

'You can't fix me, Harvey.' Mike said as he face Harvey for the first time that day

Michael James Ross wasn't going to die by jumping off of Harvey's balcony, not for the lack of trying. Mike wasn't going to accidently fall either, Harvey wrestled him back inside, but only because he was able to physically overpower him. He practically through Mike onto the bed, Mike however had enough of being pushed around and tossed to the floor as he quickly went into a sitting positioned. Where Harvey stepped away from Mike and let out a sigh of relief.

'I'm done.' Harvey said as his body shook. He hated saying those words but he needed to say it, he couldn't handle both his job and Mike.

'Good.' Mike said still frozen with silence from their earlier altercation. In all honestly Mike was tired of everything, tired of people. He got up marched to the door. 'So am I.'

…

Harvey was desperate, he'd lost Mike and he was heartbroken. All he wanted was Mike. He went to his bedroom and into the drawer that had always remained locked, inside was the gun. The gun he'd bought nearly ten years ago when a now ex-client threatened to go after him. He grabbed it, feeling the weight of the gun in his hand and shoved it into the back of his pants and left his apartment without even thinking. He drove himself, figuring dots would be connecting if he used his driver. He slammed onto the door grabbing more attention then he liked. Slowly, the door creaked open; Harvey pulled the gun out of his pants and pointed it to the unlucky soul in front of him, his finger stayed connected to the trigger and tears fell as he pulled it.

...


	4. He needs help, Mr Specter

Summary:

* * *

He needs help, Mr. Specter.

* * *

Author Note:

* * *

Please be warned that there is a mention of attempted suicide and murder in this chapter.

* * *

'Miss Pearson, it kills me that I have to be the one to tell you this, but I can't continue to fuel a lie that should never have started.' Trevor said adjusting the tie he stole from Mike 'Your employee Michael Ross; I believe that he works for a Harvey Specter.'

'What lie are you talking about?' Jessica said leading Trevor to her office

Once inside the room, Trevor expressed the truth about Mike. Everything out of his mouth was the truth except for one thing that he falsified was how Mike actually came to get the job. He claimed that Mike was a junkie and that he need some top of job in order to feed his habit. Then when he saw the interviews for Pearson-Hardman Specter a light bulb clicked, somehow Mike had managed to find a gun and threatened Harvey in order to get the job. He also explained how Mike had come to work high and Harvey wrote it off as sleep deprivation.

After concluding his 'talk' with Jessica, he left her in shock; then headed off to Mike's cubicle her Mike was busy working away and listening to his music.

'You're gonna wish that you still were mine.' Trevor said as he put his hand under his chin and pulling out his headphones

'What are you doing here, I told you to leave me alone.' Mike said as his face went to shock

With that being the last sentence that they spoke to one another, he left with the nastiest grin, he'd ever have. He bet—no—Knew that Mike would come running back to his arms after Jessica handed him a pink slip. He'd be back in his bed and underneath him once again. The way that he belonged.

Harvey was being summoned to Jessica's office thinking it was nothing more than about the case, he and Mike were working on; but when he entered the office; his expression changed when he saw Jessica's face.

'Harvey, we need to talk.' Jessica said not even lifting an eye to look at him

Harvey remained silent in almost a fear like trance as to what she was going to say next, his heart was pounding and his mind was wandering. Harvey looked as though he was getting the beating of the year, his face was full of tear and his eyes were stone cold silent; for the first time Harvey Specter was speechless. He left Jessica's office in a hurry practically pulling Mike into his office when he saw him; the two men stood face to face as Harvey formed the words on his lips.

'She knows.' Was all Harvey said and that was enough of a clue to let Mike know what he meant

Silence filled Harvey's office as they sat on the couch wondering what they were going to do, Mike was on overload between the piles of case files he had yet to go through and the numerous amount of wondering eyes that drove him insane.

'I'm sorry.'

'I know.'

'Are you mad?' Mike asked in a way a younger child would to an adult

'No.'

'You're disappointed.'

'A little.' Harvey said to him

'Is Jessica going to fire me?'

'Not unless she fires me, as well.'

….

Harvey would beg for Mike to stay late at the office or even stay with him at his place but he couldn't win over Mike. Trevor had this sort of imaginary leash on him, it seemed whenever Mike was getting close to leaving him, he'd pull back and Mike would come crying saying _I'm sorry, I'll never do it again._

…

Harvey hated that he and Mike were in the middle of a fucked up relationship, sometimes her prayed for him to never find out about Trevor and Mike other times he'd wished he'd met Mike sooner. It was a daily battle for Harvey Specter and not the one he'd have with his own demons. Harvey was cruel but not sadistic of course he'd known that Mike was being abused and that he wasn't in a healthy relationship but he was the _boss. _He wasn't supposed to care, he wasn't paid too. Maybe if he'd noticed sooner, Mike wouldn't be addicted to drugs or cutting; he would be perfectly fine. He would Mike Ross prior to meeting Trevor. The one Harvey wished he knew. Even through all the damage, Mike did to himself; Harvey still loved him. He loved Mike—screwed up or not.

Mike didn't know what was worse being with Harvey or Trevor, both hurt him but in a completely different way. Trevor beat him. While Harvey tried to be protective but it always came out like he was being possessive. He would no longer make it seem that Mike was his own person, his words came out demanding almost as though if he didn't obey, he subdue to a beating containing of brutal words and insults. It made him fall back to the drugs, he take a little there and then a little more here till he'd have to go back to his dealer and get more.

…

Harvey Spector was no reasonable man, in fact he was anything but until it came to a certain blond know-it-all-employee. Harvey couldn't explain to anyone why this reaction came out of him when anything concerning Mike came to his knowledge, maybe it was his love for him or that he felt bad for the kid. Today, he stood at the edge of the bed staring down at the Mike's pale body.

'Will he wake up?'

'I don't know.' Dr. Weston said starring down at the file in front of him

Dr. Weston disliked Harvey (he and almost everyone in Manhattan) with the passion because Harvey didn't play well with others. He knew how to but he didn't exactly like it. He was playing client and lawyer with the doctor.

Harvey's face grew with angry as he responded, 'Well, if you can't tell me whether or not, he'll wake up; maybe I should find a real doctor who can.'

Ian didn't look even the tiniest shocked by what Harvey's remark. It was almost as if he'd expected Harvey to retort at him in such manor. 'I can tell you this, he overdosed for the second time. His tox is off the chart. He'll be in the ICU if he doesn't wake up shortly. Now, you need to remember at your law firm that is your turf, this hospital is mine. I'm allowing you to be in here, to talk to me like this but if I were to contact security I could get you kicked out of her permanently.'

Harvey stood in the room, jaw dropped; he wasn't use to being spoken like that. He's said almost the exact things thousands of times and never got a response but on those rare occasions, someone was brave enough to respond and he made damn sure that was the last time they ever spoke to him in the manner. Here, now; Harvey was defenseless.

Dr. Weston left Harvey alone, satisfied that he had put a scared though into Harvey's brain. Harvey however was less than scared from Dr. Weston's 'Threat' he was too worried about Mike to even contemplate on another thought. He just wanted to Hold Mike in his arms, to feel Mike breathing; he'd bring his hand close to Mike's face and he couldn't touch him.

…

Mike had made a promise to Harvey, a promise saying he'd stop doing drugs. That he'd be clean. Which Mike tried to comply. Trevor however didn't care what Mike was going through or what he was doing; he needed to discipline Mike for whatever reason he thought of. It was a bloody mess when Trevor was done, Mike's lip was busted and bleeding, while his once healed black eye was now coming back. He ran to the kitchen leaving Trevor laid out on the bed, smoking. He opened numerous draws before finding the 'perfect' knife and cut his arm. The blood beaded onto his arm as he took a deep breath, but the blood didn't stop there, it began to soak down his arm.

He didn't realize just how bad he'd cut himself, the red liquid pooled onto the floor next to his feet as his vision grew blurry. Mike felt like he was spinning and he hit the ground with a thud. Mike was out cold, the blood from his arm was still pouring out. He was going to die.

…

Mike woke up in the trauma bay, everything seemed calm. It had been six weeks since he'd overdosed for the second. This occasion, however; wasn't intentional. It was probably the third or fourth time that he'd swallowed more pills than he should had, washed it down with alcohol and sliced his wrists. Somehow, someway; someone found him just in the knick of time. His eyes were foggy as the fluorescent lights hit his pupils, he could see someone standing beside the bed, with a light being shoved into his eyes and a clipboard. Mike sat up with the aide of the doctor or who he thought was the doctor. His throat was sore and dry.

_-Can you tell me your name?_

_Mike... Ross?_

The doctor looked at him one last time before writing something on the clipboard and in the moment, Mike was scared; was he Mike Ross? Was Mike Ross real? His name came out almost unfamiliar. Like he's said it a million times before. He knew who he was, where he lived; where he worked; why he'd overdosed but the sound of his name escaped him.

_-How old are you?_

_Twenty. Four. Twenty-four. _

_-Do you know where you are? _

_The hospital. _

The nurse adjusted his I.V. and some of the machines, before they left however they asked if he was up to seeing a visitor. Mike agreed after all, he didn't really know who would come to see him.

Harvey walked in, pulled a chair up the bed. At first, neither of them said anything. They just exchanged looks.

'I brought you water.' He said quietly. 'if you want it.'

Mike didn't say much, his throat was to sore to say anything else, instead he just nodded his head. Harvey twisted the top off, while Mike went to reach for the bottle but his hands suddenly stopped halfway to the bottle. He was in restraints. Mike felt like he was a victim.

Harvey, sighed as he looked at the straps. He leaned against the bed, slid his hand underneath Mike's head and pushed it forwards a little, so he could drink. Harvey felt grateful that Mike was drinking or maybe it was because Mike was awake. Right now, he didn't feel ad or angry at Mike, he just felt content next to the boy.

Harvey talked to Mike mostly about work and Mike didn't respond, unless he needed to be. It was basically a one sided conversation that the two held. Mike's face was expressionless until, Harvey mentioned something about him being able to go home. It was the first real look at hopefulness Mike had heard all day.

'I can leave?' he asked

Harvey smiled when he heard Mike's voice, 'I think so.'

Harvey was the closest thing Mike had to a family. He was the only person that really cared about him. Harvey left with it set in his mind to release Mike from the shackles and needles. It worked, Nurses came in to free him and handed him clothes. Harvey continued with the paper as Mike was getting dressed and later joined my Dr. Weston.

'Hello.' Ian said

Mike looked at the taller man with a weak smile, he didn't know why this doctor cared for him but a part of him was thankful that he did.

'How do you feel?'

'Fine.' Mike said in a low voice

'Look, Mike; I'm confident that you're going to get better, upstairs they specialize in this.'

'I'm not going up stairs.' Mike snapped, 'I'm going home.'

Ian looked confused and concerned. Of course, letting Mike was go was legally his choice; but he needed to stay here. He could try to make him but Harvey being a lawyer would have his actions remain useless.

'Mike, ready?' Harvey asked leaning into the doorway

'Almost.'

'Mr. Specter,' Ian said with a smog attitude

'Dr. Weston.'

There meetings were always tense. They way either men greeted each other was like two gang members trying to make their presence known.

'Mike tells me he's going home?'

'He is.'

'I don't think that's good idea.' Ian said with a sharp look on his face

'It's what Mike wants.'

'It's against Medical Advice that Mike goes home.' Ian said looking at Mike, 'He needs to go to the psych ward.'

'He doesn't _want_ to.'

'He also didn't want to make it out of overdose, but he did. I think everyone can agree that Mike's wants are distorted.'

'Mike went there once, it didn't do him any good.'

'That's not the point.' Ian said trying to stay as calm as possible 'it will keep him safe.'

'I will keep him safe.' Harvey said looking at Mike

'He really needs to stay.' Ian argued, he knew that if Mike went home, maybe not right away, but soon Mike would overdose again and maybe not make it out. He treated depressions, addicts and suicidal people before and they all did the same thing.

Mike felt like he was in the middle of a divorce, having his 'parents' argue over who get custody of him. He didn't know what to do. Both men made great arguments, he wanted to go with Harvey but he also wanted to stay with Dr. Weston. Mike made a choice that was until he factored in Trevor. Trevor was probably pissed that he was gone. He had to go home to Trevor.

'I'm leaving with Harvey.' Mike finally said with a strong tone

'Are you sure?' Ian asked hoping—praying he could change his answer

'Yes.' Mike said walking to Harvey 'I want to go home.'

…


End file.
